never accept a date from a sales call customer.

so i finally have a job. yeah!!! i work in the scheduling department of Apx Alarms. meaning i set appointments for technicians to go visit customers, talk to tech's when they've visited customers, et cetera. i just started on last Friday. i like it so far. unfortunately, it may have come too late. i have some serious bills coming due, and i had to borrow money for gas today.
on another note, i'm finally getting things on paper for the NPO (non profit organization) i want to start. if all goes as planned (which it rarely ever does) i'll have every thing i can do done by the end of the year. hopefully the governmental aspects won't take that long, and i'll have it up and running by the time i go back to my fam's house for my Christmas vacation. for those of you who don't know, it is my goal to organize and operate an NPO that not only provides a service, but networks the resources of other related organizations. the goal is to treat and prevent abuse, rape, and violence in general. not only would we shelter, physically and emotionally treat, and assist abuse victims- and provide legal assistance- but provide treatment for the offenders. if the victims are the only ones being treated, the circle of abuse isn't broken, it's only split; like cell nuclei before multiplication. besides, complete healing for the victims is infinitely more difficult if there is no remorse on the offender's side. how do you reconcile yourself to the idea that some one you thought you knew, and trusted hurt you so deeply... and it didn't even phase them? or even to the idea that you were picked randomly by some violently sick stranger; that it wasn't personal? and, if offenders are also treated, the chance of repetition and/or acceleration is notably reduced. some of the services we will offer will include shelter, counseling, medical treatment, legal assistance, parenting and health classes, access to the resources of other organizations, habilitation, rehabilitation, and anonymous emergency hotlines. the hope is to be able to supplement, and perhaps improve upon, any and all existing organizations- regardless of religious or governmental affiliation.
so, that just about covers it.

come again?

what is it about basic human nature that feels the need to do what ever is deemed as gratifying, without expecting consequences? unfortunately in the world today, it seems that there is a lack of responsibility. no one wants to be held accountable for the effects of their own actions- especially the negative ones. in a recent missive, some one whom i had considered a friend told me exactly how ugly and stupid i am (by his estimation), and considered me better off for knowing it. he felt it his duty as "a good friend" to fill me in on all of his most offensive thoughts toward me, and had the gall to tell me he felt better knowing that i knew exactly where he stands in this respect, and that he hopes it was as liberating for me as it was for him. then, he didn't even have the common decency to listen to my response to this insulting onslaught. he continued by telling me that he considers himself to be a good listener, and that my struggles with depression are too much for him to care about. it seems to me that he was using the guise of "friendship" to justify his callous attitude, and refusing to take responsibility for his own severe lack of judgement and tact. i have seen the theme of self-gratification, and justification in more clear cut situations more and more lately. admittedly, i also find my self looking for reasons so i can justify some lapse in judgement or indulgence. however, i often recognize it for what it is: a base desire to relinquish responsibility for my own actions. i do not wish to say that irresponsible, rude, or base thoughts never enter my mind. they do. i'm still human. however, the major differences between man and beast are the ability to distinguish the difference between thought and action, and select which thoughts or impulses are acted upon, and which are ignored or repressed. this is one of the basic requirements for higher function. i guess this recent experience was liberating for me, in a way. it helped me liberate time to ponder on the questions of accountability, and communication. it also liberated me from having yet another friendship to work on and worry about. that's the thing with life; it's far too short to have "friends" like those. as my grandfather used to say: "God gives all men two things common in this life; twenty- four hours in the day, and the right to choose what to do with them.". i choose to surround myself with good and caring people, who listen, and choose to be accountable. i choose to be the best friend i can to them, by offering support, love, and service. i choose to continue to fight depression with all i have, and all the help i can get. i choose to be and become the best person i am capable of being and becoming.